The brilliance of the phrase “WTF” is that it can mean a lot of things.
It can be a desperate plea. A cry of joy. A sign of repulsion. And Season 6 of Black Mirror checked off all those feelings. From gory plot twists to hilarious one-liners to twisted sermons and songs about serial killers, here are this season’s best (and scariest) quotes followed by their equally WTF moments. Let’s relive the fun and fright, shall we?
“Joan Is Awful”
Credit: Nick Wall / Netflix
“They could make Salma Hayek blow an orangutan if they wanted to.” — Joan’s lawyer (Lolly Adefope)
While this line is brilliantly hilarious, it’s also such a dark foretelling of the future of AI and deepfakes. “Joan Is Awful” is already an ominous look into the future of the entertainment industry, but this line really hits the nail on the head of what we can do to each other as deepfake tech advances. Can you imagine watching Meryl Streep canoodle with a camel? We just might soon.
“I’m gonna be the guy who can’t get it up for Salma Hayek.” — Mac
It’s astounding that out of all the concerns Mac (Rob Delaney) could have had about his life streaming on TV, this is what really irked him. But also, I kind of get him. I love this quote because it really shows all the ways “Joan Is Awful” ruined everyone’s lives and instilled such omnipotent fear in them. If “Joan Is Awful” says you’re bad in bed, then it must be true.
“Merry Christmas! One and all!” — Joan
What an innocent sentence! You’d never think it was said right before someone explosively shat on a church’s floor during a wedding. I was appalled that Annie Murphy actually did it — groaning, bending, and screaming for the kids to look away while the splashes of her feces very much loudly accompanied each word. Joan’s poop scene is definitely triumphing over the pig scene in Season 1 as the grossest Black Mirror sequence.
“Whose anus is doing the shitting?” — Salma Hayek
She’s right though. WHOSE anus IS doing the shitting?! While Streamberry’s defense team tries to calm Hayek over Joan’s poop incident by saying it wasn’t really her, but instead, a CGI version of her, Hayek’s having none of it and delivers this brilliantly beautiful line instead. I never thought I’d see Salma Hayek address her anus, but I’m so glad she did.
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“I am sorry that I shat in a church.” — Joan
No notes. Absolutely incredible line delivery. The words “shat” and “church” should never be in the same sentence, yet they are, and what an incredible sentence it is.
“When we focused on their more weak or selfish or craven moments, it confirmed their innermost fears and put them in a state of mesmerized horror…which really drives engagement. They literally can’t look away!” — Mona Javadi
When asked why Streamberry isn’t putting out more positive shows, CEO Mona Javadi (Leila Farzad) shares that it’s because they failed with test audiences. Instead, viewers would rather throw themselves into a self-deprecating spiral where they literally can’t keep their eyes away from the absolute trainwreck of their own decision making. Sounds familiar? Hint, it’s you watching old Snapchat memories of your ex. The quote is also just insanely indicative of how every industry exploits our insecurities, ahem Instagram ahem.
“Annie Murphy, you’re my hero.” — Salma Hayek
She’s so right and real for that.
“Loch Henry”
Credit: Nick Wall / Netflix
“He wasn’t filming for broadcast, Mum.” “Oh, can you imagine?” — Davis and Janet
Yikes. While this exchange between Davis (Samuel Blenkin) and his mom, Janet (Monica Dolan), seems innocent at first, it takes on a completely new meaning after “Loch Henry”s big plot twist. Knowing that Janet was thinking of her husband broadcasting her drilling people alive, and then scoffing about it and lying through her teeth, gave me the worst kind of goosebumps. So chilling, so creepy, so downright terrifying.
“In the dungeon, you’ll suffer sex atrocities! In the dungeon, he’ll have you weeping on your knees!” — Davis, Pia, and Stuart
Who doesn’t live singing about a serial killer to the melody of “In the Navy?” And what’s worse is that Davis, Pia (Myha’la Herrold), and Stuart (Daniel Portman), were having the time of their lives! This chilling scene sees the trio making up a song about a serial killer, RIGHT after breaking into the basement where he did all his killings. A trauma response? Most likely, but my god it was so out of pocket. Full lyrics are as follows: “In the dungeon, he’ll tie your hands behind your back! In the dungeon, and shove a bottle up your crack! In the dungeon, he’ll break your elbows with a rock! In the dungeon, and glue sultanas to your cock!” Where is the decorum, guys?
“Beyond the Sea”
Credit: Netflix
“Do you have a cock?” — Theta
It’s a very fair question to ask a robot. When the cult breaks into David’s (Josh Hartnett) home, the first question one of its members, Theta (Marama Corlett), asks is if David’s realism extends to his nether regions. I laughed because while this girl was terrifying, her question made a lot of unfortunate sense. All I’m going to say is that we have our answer when you remember David was really passionate about hand sex.
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“You don’t even bleed right.” — Kappa
Imagine chopping off someone’s arm, then making fun of how they bleed? Who would even say that? Sure, David’s a robot, so naturally things are going to be different there, but still!
“The machine man will watch, with his heart screaming million miles above us.” — Kappa
This is truly just such a fucked thing to say. The entire scene of the cult breaking into David’s home was such an uncomfortable watch anyway, but Kappa (Rory Culkin) reminding us that the real David has no control over the situation and is instead stuck in space watching it all play out inflicted me with such dread and sympathy. The thought of being alone in space while knowing your family’s getting murdered on earth, and then having the creepiest cult master rub it in your face, genuinely made me want to dry heave.
“Mazey Day”
Credit: Nick Wall / Netflix
“I love your sex tape.” — Whitty
We all know the paparazzi were ruthless in the early 2000s, but — too far, Whitty (Robbie Tann)!
“Nick’s offering 30k for the first photo of her. Forty if you catch her looking like a junkie.” — Hector (Danny Ramirez)
To my point of the paparazzi being the absolute worst.
“So much for sexy shots.” — Whitty
The WTF-ness of this line stems from its context. Whitty says this while Mazey’s (Clara Rugaard) chained to a bed, screaming for her life and on the verge of turning into a werewolf. How could anyone even be thinking of sexy shots in a time like this?
“Demon 79”
Credit: Nick Wall / Netflix
“Of course we all want change, but the right kind.” — Michael Smart
What a lovely thing to hear from a person running to be a member of parliament. We want change! So long as it sets us back 50 years and makes England great again! Smart’s (David Shields) racist tirade continues when he reiterates that he plans on taking the “rubbish” out of the streets and cleaning up the “character” of northern England’s neighborhoods. What a gross man.
Stay tuned after the credits for ‘Black Mirror’s ‘Joan Is Awful’
“You see most people’s food, um normal food, it doesn’t tend to linger afterwards.” — Mr. Duncan
We not only have one racist bigot in “Demon 79” but TWO! After a complaint from a coworker, Nida’s (Anjana Vasan) boss, Mr. Duncan (Nick Holder), approaches her to suggest that she eat “normal food.” Harmless cheese sandwiches like everyone else. To make matters worse, he then sends her to the basement to eat her biryani alone. What the fuck? Has Mr. Duncan ever even tried biryani? I’m sure he’d have a different opinion after. Just such icky behavior all around.
“There’s no witnesses. Talk about beginner’s luck, one quick pop to the head and you’re done.” — Gaap
I love Gaap (Paapa Essiedu). Genuinely, what a great demon friend to have. He’s Nida’s hype-man, and while his cheers are incredibly jarring in advocating for her to kill someone, he’s still a sardonic superstar. Gaap tells Nida this quote when they find her first victim, and it’s so crudely to the point that I laughed (admittedly in fear).
“I’ve killed someone.” “Yeah, that was hours ago.” — Nida and Gaap
Hilarious? Yes. Alarming? Also yes. We love that energy, Gaap.
“You’re a basher.” — Gaap
Another gem from Gaap (clearly he was the episode’s highlight) is when he helps Nida pick a weapon to kill her next victim. Knives are too messy, she isn’t a stabber after all, but hammers? Hammers are good. Nida’s a basher according to Gaap, so she might as well let her talents shine through. You know you’ve watched too much Black Mirror when quotes like this start to make sense.
Cheers to another season of more stabbing quotes that’ll either leave you laughing or crying in absolute fear, it isn’t a season of Black Mirror without them.
How to watch: All seasons of Black Mirror are now streaming on Netflix.
