Exhausted parents are ready to leave the worst of the pandemic behind them

Parents of unvaccinated kids are within inches of a freedom they’ve longed for since the pandemic began in March 2020: household protection against COVID-19.

Many other childless vaccinated adults have returned to a semblance of their old lives. They’ve traveled on planes, eaten inside restaurants, and gone to parties, concerts, and movies. Some parents (vaccinated or unvaccinated) may have done the same, but plenty remain stuck in limbo, awaiting vaccination for roughly 28 million children 11 and younger.

They’ve taken only risks that seemed necessary or arguably safe, not wanting to become the vector of illness that put their kid’s first-grade class in quarantine, the reason why a beloved grandparent or teacher experienced a devastating breakthrough case, or the caregiver whose insistence on a family trip led to severe COVID for their young child.

With the emergency use authorization of the vaccine for 5- to 11-year-olds (presumably toddlers and infants will follow soon after), concerned parents can finally release the breath that’s been clenched in their chest for nearly two years.

Surely they’ll still want to let loose the occasional primal scream, in private or on the internet, because parenting is never easy. But if we’re lucky, those future viral Tweets won’t channel the despair and anger of trying to navigate the Delta variant as a partially vaccinated household with little to no guidance, or worrying that going back to a classroom might lead to tragedy while also panicking about not having school or childcare. One can even dream that parents will turn to social media with the various triumphs of being a fully vaccinated household — relatively carefree trips and hangouts, attending school (mostly) without a mask — and find a cheering audience.

However it plays out online, one thing is clear: Parents desperately need a pandemic life that looks nothing like the ever-present anxiety, uncertainty, and decision-making fatigue that has defined their experience so far.

“You need to give yourself permission to move on…”

Dr. Lucy McBride, a primary care doctor in Washington, D.C., who produces a newsletter on COVID-19 and general health topics, encourages parents who vaccinate their children to embrace the fact that they’ve taken a small risk and made it even smaller.

They need “to give themselves permission to relinquish fear of COVID-19,” says McBride. That doesn’t mean being blasé about sensible infection control precautions, like hand washing, staying home when sick, and getting a flu shot.

“[That] simply means opening your mind to contemplating other health risks and reincorporating joy, pleasure, levity and well-being into your everyday existence.”

Indeed, the pandemic has created a strange, stressful existence for parents. Gone are work and social events that injected novelty into their routine-centric lives, yet there’s a new problem to solve every day, including quarantines, shuttered daycares, hybrid learning, rapid test shortages, and missing school because of a runny nose. The toll it’s taken is no exaggeration.

A survey conducted in August and published this week by the American Psychological Association found that nearly half of parents who participated were so stressed about the pandemic that they struggled to make basic decisions like what to wear or eat, compared to a quarter of non-parents. Parents were also less likely to describe their mental health as very good or excellent. Unsurprisingly, they were more likely to feel like they needed more emotional support throughout the past year.

They’re not getting much help from society, either. Public health agencies and officials have given little indication of what people’s lives should, or could, look like once COVID-19 becomes endemic and the infection rate is controlled and manageable. Such information is vital to parents, some of whom have taken to obsessing over what epidemiologists will or won’t do with their own kids for scraps of trustworthy guidance. If parents find it difficult to look forward to or plan for the future, it’s because they have no idea when after-school childcare will be consistently available, whether masks will become a mainstay at schools and other venues that mandate them, or whether they’ll ever live spontaneously again.

Dr. Lynn Bufka, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and spokesperson for the APA, says many people have been depleted “day after day” during the pandemic, but parents carry the added burden of being responsible for their children’s safety, education, and physical and mental health.

“Our mental resources are not infinite. There is a limit,” she says. “The more you’re being taxed, mentally [and] psychologically around challenging situations, the less energy…you have to put toward the things that can really help you in this situation.”

Restorative activities like exercise, socializing, and hobbies that give people a much-needed boost are the proverbial “well” that parents, in particular, need to draw from but can’t because they’re so exhausted by the pandemic, says Bufka.

“Our mental resources are not infinite. There is a limit.”

If pediatric vaccinations make life feel more manageable, and risk more acceptable, Bufka encourages parents to take reasonable steps toward venturing back into the world. That means identifying what’s most important to you and your family, which could include a plane ride to see grandparents, playdates with children’s friends, or hiring a trusted babysitter for a regular date night.

Bufka says it can be helpful to think about how such choices will improve an overall sense of well-being while enhancing social connections, both of which are critical to mental health. She adds that it’s normal for parents to feel scared or anxious as they try to forge a new pandemic reality. This may be especially true for families with an immunocompromised parent or child, or for those who live in an area with a low vaccination rate. Not every family faces the same reality, but every parent should give themselves a little grace as they navigate releasing some of the fear that’s defined their lives for so long.

“We can do absolutely everything that seems like the right thing to do and still things will happen,” says Bufka, noting that we’re vulnerable to much more than COVID-19, including other infectious diseases as well as poor mental health related to pandemic stress and anxiety. “It’s important for us to not hold ourselves to an impossible standard.”

That message is one that parents struggle to accept even without a pandemic. They want to believe they’re superhuman because their children’s lives depend on such foresight and fortitude. Parents might be tempted to keep up their heroics, even after protecting their children through vaccination, convinced that they can stop a breakthrough COVID-19 infection with never-ending vigilance. But unless trusted medical professionals recommend such an approach for their child, clinging to that idea will only make it harder for them and their kids to feel ease and happiness as they move forward.

Families with young children deserve normalcy back in their lives, the kind that many who’ve been vaccinated has enjoyed. Now’s their chance to finally get some.