Sick of dating apps? Try a dungeon sound bath instead.

As I look for a spot to unfurl my yoga mat, I hear: “You’re welcome to lie anywhere you want, including inside the cage.”

It’s not a typical sound bath greeting, but then again, this isn’t a typical sound bath: it’s taking place in Dungeon East, a BDSM space in downtown Los Angeles. I discovered the event on the app Plura, a hybrid events and dating app for kink-friendly and non-monogamous people. The sound bath at Dungeon East was just one of the events that caught my eye, including a rope tying workshop, non-monogamy speed dating, and an erotic ceramics class.

As daters have become increasingly fed up with the ghosting and endless swiping on dating apps, they’ve turned to in-person events like run clubs, flirt parties, and chess groups to meet people. I’ve been using dating apps since I was 19, and when I opened up my relationship with my partner, they became an integral part of my non-monogamy journey. But lately I’d been curious about the appeal of in-person events — was I missing something? And was Plura‘s emphasis on in-person events the answer for polyamorous people? Could this sound bath be the new way to find a potential lover? 

A kinky Eventbrite and polyamorous dating app in one

The failures of dating apps were a major inspiration for Plura’s founder, Luna Ray, to create the app. After years of exclusively meeting people at events in the polyamorous scene in the Bay Area, she downloaded a dating app during COVID lockdown. “Within a couple of days, I got all of the [negative behaviors] that people say about dating apps: unsolicited dick pics, ghosting, people being assholes,” she says. At community events, no one acted this way because there was accountability.  

She initially built Plura as a way for people to go on group dates during the pandemic. But when the world opened up, and Ray started going to events again, “I [was feeling] really socially anxious. I haven’t seen people in like, two years. [And I thought] if only I could know who was going to this event. And then I realized, oh wait, I built an app for that.” She partnered with local event organizers to list their events on Plura, and the app took off. 

Today, the app functions like both a kinky Eventbrite and a dating app for polyamorous people. It’s available across the U.S., although in-person events are only in the Bay Area, Los Angeles, New York, San Diego, Portland, and Atlanta. (Plura’s user numbers aren’t public, but in 2024, there were nearly 16,000 events posted on the app.) Users can scroll through events and purchase tickets through the app. They can also see which other Plura members are attending, and a chat function opens up as well. You can “bud” (Plura’s language for “liking” a user) any attendee. 

Then there’s the dating portion, under a separate tab, where Plura provides five profiles a day with the option to add any of them as a bud. Similar to most dating apps, a chat only opens up if the like is mutual. But unlike Hinge, Plura doesn’t show everyone who adds you as a bud first. If you want to see all of your likes, you have to pay $24.99 a month for Plura+. Whereas many of the dating features require payment, most of the event features are free. Looking at the app holistically, it feels like the dating app portion is a side dish — the main course is the array of events. 

That’s how Plura user Nic Sornoso, 32, looks at it. The events have been a game changer for her. “Before Plura, it seemed literally impossible to meet non-monogamous people in person,” she says. 

When Sornoso and her husband Vince Taesali first opened their marriage, she turned to dating apps to connect with other people. She was disappointed — none of them allowed her to filter by non-monogamy, except for Feeld. And she didn’t like how glitchy Feeld was, and felt that “people are very forward on Feeld, which is fine, but that’s not how I like to get to know someone.” 

A friend told her about Plura, describing it as “Facebook for non-monogamous people,” and she downloaded the app. She saw an ethical non-monogamy (ENM) meetup at a bar five minutes away from her and decided to go with her friend. She met friends and even a guy she’s still dating today. Now she doesn’t even use other dating apps anymore — she just meets people in person at Plura events.

“The dungeon is my Tinder”

Scrolling through the app, I was shocked by how many non-monogamy social events were happening around the city. My partner and I have been open for three years, yet we feel squarely outside the non-monogamy scene. We haven’t been to any play parties (we tried to get into one and never heard back), and, as the only open couple in our friend group, we didn’t know where to look. But scrolling through the events, seeing the ENM meetup at a bar less than a mile away from me, it felt like a whole new world was opening up.

Accessibility was a major focus for Ray. “I wanted it to be easier if you were just starting out in your poly or queer journey to find your people. People [in] most other places, or even in the Bay Area, if you’re outside of the communities, it can be hard to find your way in,” she says. 

Scrolling through the events, seeing the ENM meetup at a bar less than a mile away from me, it felt like a whole new world was opening up.

Making it easier for users to discover events doesn’t just benefit polyamory newcomers, but also event organizers. 

Justine Cross, the owner of Dungeon East, hosts a variety of gatherings at her space, ranging from sex education classes to play parties to the sound bath. She’s struggled with posting them on the right website or app. Instagram will shadowban her (reduce her account’s reach) if she posts the events, she says. Eventbrite has erroneously removed non-sexual events for violating its policy. Facebook worked for a while, but her audience doesn’t use it anymore. Plura was a natural fit, an app that actively promotes her events to a target audience. 

These non-sexual events are crucial for bringing in a new audience. “I want people to have good experiences in the dungeon. I want people to see the space and see that it isn’t scary. If they’re not ready to rent out the dungeon or come to a party, they [could] come to a sound bath and feel more comfortable.” But she also knows through her own experience that, “the dungeon is my Tinder, I meet everyone there.” Meeting in person is way more fruitful than an app. 

“My dating advice for people is to go to the events that you want to go to and talk to people. And I know that’s intimidating, but that’s how you meet people.” At the dungeon, it’s not just sexual or kinky relationships that are forming, but friendships too. Cross told me about a group of friends who met at one of her workshops, and consistently come back together. 

“The need [Plura] is solving for is connection and loneliness,” Ray tells me. “It’s not just, ‘I want to get laid, I want to date, I want to have a life partner.’ It’s the full spectrum of relationships that non monogamous people can have.” This informs not just the emphasis on in-person events, but also the way the dating app portion is designed. 

Lengthy profiles are encouraged on Plura, with prompts like “Ask Me About” and a space to describe your relationship ecosystem. 

“People are creating a digital representation of who they are. I want people to take the time and really consider [each profile] because it’s not just, ‘Is this person hot or not?’ But, ‘Is this person someone that I could connect with on a bunch of different dimensions?’ Not just, ‘I’m optimizing for the hottest person that I can have sex with tonight,’ which is a totally valid use case, but also not the only one we want to be building for,” Ray says.

“Literally everyone I’ve met from Plura has been really, really cool,” says Sornoso, “and I think that goes back to [being able] to show more of your personality on the app.” She can see way more information about someone before having to match and talk with them, and for Sornoso, it allows for more meaningful and better connections. 

Hearing Sornoso’s experience and Ray’s rationale for the limited matches per day, it feels like I’ve been approaching Plura the wrong way. I’m used to making snap judgments while swiping, looking at every profile as a potential sexual connection. That’s served me for finding dates, but looking at the events on Plura, hearing about Sornoso’s experience and new friendships, made me feel like I’ve been missing out on something. 

I’ve heard so many people describe non-monogamy as a “scene” or “community,” but so far in my experience, it’s felt more like making a personal choice than joining a new friend group. And I’ve realized I want some of that community — I want to make friends with other people who are open, who understand the thrills and pitfalls that come with this kind of relationship. 

“The need [Plura] is solving for is connection and loneliness.”

So I’m at this sound bath to see if I can find that. There are about eight of us spread out on the floor. Several brought blankets and pillows, which, as I lie out on my rubber yoga mat, I’m envious of. Soon our instructor suggests we lie on our backs, and over the next hour, I listen to the sounds of bowls and a gong and hear vibrations radiating through my stomach. As I settle in, I think that maybe after the event, I can chat with some more people. But by the time the gong wakes us up,  I’m yawning and we’re all appropriately blissed out and sleepy. 

As I leave with my partner, no new friendships formed, I think of something Cross told me. I’d asked her for her thoughts on people going to events to meet others, like how many people are joining run clubs to find someone to date. The problem with that, she said, is “some people who are going to run clubs are literally just going there to run.” 

Plura events are by and for people like me — and next time, I’ll give the ethical non-monogamy social club a shot.